Thursday, August 6, 2009

Sleepless, Pageless...

..as I lay in bed - the Blonde Woman dealt with.

What to do now? Start on The Brothers Karamozov?

But all I really want is my next hit of IJ. A little hit - just a page - or maybe two - and I'd be able to sleep.

I don't need a Dilaudid mountain of IJ. Just a little shot to get me through to the morning - when I'd be of clearer mind to properly decide what to do about my long-term needs.

Yes reading! - instead of this arduous handblogging. Writing. Not pleasant - writing: the emptying of the soul, the tank. I don't know how he did it - DFW.

I don't want to empty myself, post by post - rumminating. I just want to be filled with reading. I want IJ coursing through my veins and mind again.

And - more than that - I really want to understand what happened to Gately and Hal in the end.

What did the snow storm and the cold, rainy beach mean - in terms of Hal and Gately respectively?

When should I give in to my instinct to incredibly - yes! - start re-reading IJ - because I suspect that the beginning of the book is actually the end of the book, that the book is maybe circular - or - perhaps like the sideways eights that Orin traced on woman's bodies?

When should I resume this infinity symbol of a story so that I can understand it and enjoy it even more?

Tonight?

Tomorrow?

When I've hit rock bottom?

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