Having read quite a bit about suicide my self over the years I can tell you that his writing of the character of Kate Gompert went well beyond research.
And this is clear now that DFW is gone by his own hand. DFW is known for his detail but I tell you that he was Kate.
Page 77: Kate:
"I don't want anything except for the feeling to go away. But it doesn't. Part of the feeling is being like willing to do anything to make it go away. Understand that. Anything. Do you understand? It's not wanting to hurt myself it's wanting to not hurt. "
I have chosen to not read about DFW's life until I've finished IJ. I want the book to speak for itself. But my feeling is that The Great Modern American Writer suffered for a long, long time.
One of the many benefits of this blog you started, V, is that it's motivated me--several times, now, and more, I can tell, to come--to take down my copy of IJ (did I mention it still retains its structural integrity?) and read the pages immediately before, during, or after what you're blogging about.
ReplyDeleteI'd forgotten this part about Kate G (though I remember very clearly other parts, later in the book, where DFW writes with staggering insight about Depression and Thoughts of Suicide. I have the skinniest sliver of insight into these subjects myself, and I remember that while reading these parts of IJ, I was frankly stunned by the inside knowledge DFW seemed to have of the whole thing. Even back then--many years ago--I was convinced that he didn't pick up this "knowledge" by reading In the Jaws of the Black Dog...just as he couldn't know as much as he does about being an elite athlete w/o having been one himself.
So yes--taking this long view, DFW's suicide is doubly sad, if, as is likely, he struggled with these things for years. When you note--again--the compassion and understanding with which he treats all his characters, and by extension, the human condition, this sadness of his kind of breaks your heart, don't it?
It is heart breaking.
ReplyDeleteAnd perhaps too that's what makes the work of DFW even more powerful. There is genius and laughter but also great pain and sadness there. Based on when he published IJ I frankly can't believe how long he lasted. Again, I still don't really want to get into his life until I've finished IJ for a first time, but I would eventually like to find out what his true inner self was like after he finished writing IJ.
Just to go back to the sadness - I still can't get the whole "maternal cursive" thing out of my mind. In two words he encapsulates the idea of a mother showing love enough to beautifully write her child's name on a flashlight and yet the child is abandonned to an Academy. The flashlight with the beloved mother's handwriting on it not only turns darkness into light but also gives the child the feeling of searching for things: perhaps for a way out, a way home, a way to some place better, more human, more free, more beautiful...than the Academy...